The Other Elephant in the Room
Everyone talks about a bully being the elephant in the room. But there’s a bigger one – what flummoxes most people is seeing a particular person, usually well known for bullying and who causes havoc and discontent, yet the organisation do nothing about it. We’ve all seen that, right?

Often those affected leave the business, losing their job while the cause of it stays. If the one affected chooses to stay they usually take more sick leave, are less engaged, not as productive and make more mistakes. The career and health detriment is on those who seem to do nothing wrong but be in the wrong place at the wrong time. And the organisation lose out all ways.

If that’s true, why do nothing? Is the person too powerful and seen as untouchable? Is no one brave enough (or supported enough) to deal with the person and situation? Or is it that organisations genuinely don’t have a clue what to do?

Some people are simply unaware of their behaviour and its impact on others. Some people once aware can change, others can’t or won’t. And often the real cause is that the culture supports bullying and allows it to flourish. Which one resonates in your organisation?

We deal with both transforming individuals and organisational culture with dignity and have created a simple flowchart showing the options and process of dealing with someone who bullies.

I’d love to talk it through with any HR practitioner or leader looking for a way to manage bullying in their organisation. Alternatively it can be presented to local HR groups so if you’re looking for an interesting topic that will inspire and generate ideas and discussion please let us know.

Jo Brown
Director/Consultant
DignityWorks

Bullying is a symptom

Bullying is a symptom and it’s time to get to the real root cause if we as a society want real lasting change.

I went to the osteopath on Monday – it’s relevant so bear with me – my knees were hurting and felt out of alignment. I thought the cause was my feet, the skin had cracked wearing flip flops with the sunny weather last week and I’d been in the pain when I walked. To me the symptom was bad knees and the cause was cracked feet but the osteopath said no, cracked feet are also a symptom. I’ve recently been juicing but the program was more fruit than veg and she said that’s where the real root cause was – too much sugar in the body leads to dry feet. Really? I never knew that!

So the diet causes dry feet, which causes cracks, which causes me to walk funny, which causes my knees to be misaligned. It’s easy to think something is the cause when actually it’s just another symptom of something more underlying.

It’s the same with bullying.

Bullying is a symptom and we need to focus on only two things – people and culture. Sounds simple but each is a challenge.

I often see cultures where the organisation says they don’t tolerate bullying but the reality is somewhat different. A policy is a great start but that’s all it is – don’t walk the walk and it’s a meaningless piece of paper and your staff lose faith in speaking out. This is backed up by a recent survey that said only 6% of people said the anti-bullying policy in their organisation stopped bullying. Not only that but the implicit message to anyone who wants to bully is ‘go ahead, it’s ok around here!’

I’ve come across many cases where speaking out, whether complaining of being bullied or being a witness to it has resulted in the loss of their job; sadly bullying seems to provide job security.

So why do we not tackle the bully? Often because of fear. And it’s often difficult when it’s a he said/she said/they said scenario. Carrying out an investigation is like X-raying my knees – seeing they’re out of alignment is all well and good but does it actually show you the root cause and identify how to solve it?

Mediation can sometimes help resolve a particular situation but doesn’t change the underlying reason someone uses bullying behaviour. A warning, where bullying is proven, doesn’t actually give someone the tools to change behaviour.

And on the flip side, its easy to blame the target for poor performance – if they truly are a poor performer then manage that, don’t bully, the two are very different! It’s also easy to blame the person for not being strong enough; being too sensitive, misinterpreting things, the list of blame is extensive. That fails to help the damage to self esteem, to help with the shame attached to being bullied.

There is a better way. Take all parties to a situation and work with them in groups and one on one – educate them, help them understand their behaviour, find better ways to meet their needs, strengthen their resilience, coach them, help them work with others.

Set a standard for your organisation and enforce it. If bullying continues, the organisation has the choice to act on that – or not. Actions speak louder than words – show your staff there is a better way, show them it’s ok to speak out, that you provide a better way to deal with bullying, you can and will act, and better can come from it. Sometimes difficult decisions and action need taking. It isn’t easy but it can be done. The culture will be improved if you do the right thing consistently.

Be kind. Be compassionate. Understand, be firm but fair. When we label and judge we lose our ability to influence. Use a bullying situation as an opportunity to empower people to be stronger and fitter for purpose. The organisation will benefit far greater than the current status quo of how we handle bullying.

We’ve talked about the problem for too long now. It’s time to talk about the solution and act on it. I’m reminded of a photo I saw posted to Facebook. Let’s stop medicating the symptoms, instead let’s focus on the root cause and provide a real solution. Otherwise we’re just going to keep using sticking plasters that, lets be very honest, helps no one and changes nothing.

 

Further information www.dignityworks.com/020 088 9888